tang_ed

Wilson,

Things are all over now, I can only try to learn and accept the differences we both had. This is a recount of our two years together and those littlest things that we both shared in common. 

2006 - Our courtship
The very first time I notice you were during team dinner at Ang Keong. Charmaine was seated inbetween us and you strike this conversation. I wasn't aware of you until then. "How can you not know Wilson!?". Slowly, we started messaging in MSN.

OSIM'06, your last race before army. You invited me down to cheer for you and the team. I went down for the first time, as your supporter. After the race, I remembered sitting at the bench and you splashed mud on my legs. That leaves me a better impression of you! 

Your last gathering with the team before army. That's the first time I tried your baking skills -cheesecake. I also had Choya for the first time. Peach flavoured. After the gathering, we took bus 21 together for the first time. "You mind if I sit beside you?" 

07/07/06. The day you enlisted. You sms me for the first time. Updating about your army life and listen to me bitching. You dated me out for movie, The Lake House, during your first weekend bookout. It was a saturday evening. You stand by Tampines small mac waiting for me. Dressed in NB top and jeans whereas I’m already in my lengleng, green & white strip polo with shorts. Things were a little awkward, you brought me to the little shop by the theatre and share with me that you like fixing up tank, plane models. Telling me about your pastime and stuff. We spoke very little and parted after movie. Few days ago 24/02/2009, you'd promised me to watch our second guniang show together, but.

Our second meetup, because you were late, you promised me an icecream treat. We went to Swensens which used to be at the DBS building. You ordered some waffle-banana-caramel-icecream for me. You told me more about your family and stuffs. Talking to you is interesting and never boring. How different individuals can interact and attract each other that way. 

"Can I call you?" and we started talking on the phone. I was so used to hearing your voice at 2200 that it feels empty without. Be it just a few minutes or so, I never stop looking forward talking to you. That’s how I secretly nicknamed you ‘Happy’, because a simple phone call or sms can leave me smiling the whole day. That's how much you can cheer me up.

Then came your desaru race and I became the 'mystery' girl. Coach talked to me during my first sentosa camp. While we were walking downhill, she told me that both you and I are very different, with different priorities in life, and we should both think through before getting serious into things. She even asked what's about me that attract you. I wasn't sure right then. It's still a mystery now. I told you what she'd said and you replied "we can complement each other that way". Until now, I still believe that we could, somehow. 

The night before you report to OCS. Days before, you asked me what shape I like. Blindly, I said "Star". You sent me the picture few days later, saying it's a necklace your brother bought for his girlfriend. It was the exact necklace I was expecting when you asked me to close my eyes, having betrayed by my twin of your plan. You asked me under my block, looking me in the eyes. "I love you, can you be my girlfriend". Though I was well-informed, I was still shocked and asked for more time, since we barely know each other enough. 

After getting your new phone K800i, you sent me the first MMS, 3 sakae dishbowl, telling me you went with your mom to satisfy your sushi cravings. Thereafter, we began sending MMS on things we'd like each other to 'witness' or just to randomly gian and tease. I kept every single MMS you'd sent. Even thou my cui phone had spoilt and never will I get to scroll through it anymore, I know those are the little moments that we both shared. Have you forgotten that you'd promised to transfer/send it one by one back to me

Home christmas dinner '06. You invited me over. I spent the morning at xueying's place baking lao-hong cookies. My first gift for you was a green 'jailbird' topman tshirt. You did not answer your call causing me not going your place because I’m a direction nut. You told me you're not used to wearing strip and that all your top are plain, but you don't mind a change. That’s how I began changing you to become a shopaholic!

2007 - Our first year
23/01/07. Night before you going Taiwan. We went to Marina Sq to catch a movie. Most of the tix were sold out, leaving us with Ghost Tunnel. Being the ball-less and hum-ful me, I hid behind my hands through the movie. Half way through the movie, you grabbed my hands, I froze right there and didn't move an inch. You assured me 'I'm here, don't be scared ok". I believe you then and there. "So are we together" you sent. And yes, we are. 

We spent our somewhat 'honeymoon' away from each other. You left for TW the very next day that we got together. I was so elated to hear you called and letting me know that you missed me and my company. Those times were tough, but we never stop trying to be there for each other. When you came back on 14/01/07, we spent our first valentine day together. You gotten me this 99% dark chocs to cure my PMS and this clutch which I mistook as a pencil case. Things got alittle embarrassing at the escalator as I’m used to being alone. Now, I only wished I could hold your hand alittle longer..

On my 18th birthday, you called and told me you have gotten 3 weeks confinement. I remembered you getting depressed and I don't deny getting upset myself, but I told you things are gonna be fine and alright. We got through it together. I went down boonlay to 'fetch' you freshly out from camp. Remembered you telling me how happy you were seeing me there. Images of you smiling everytime we meetup, then. 

You gave me a Bible, telling me it's a priceless gift and an important possession. I had never got around understanding the content of the Bible, but I would really want you to analyse it to me, again. I'd even taken a step deeper to understand what's your religion about, attending services with you. I only wish I could be everything that you want me to be.

Thereafter, you went for Brunei training. Before you left, you gave me the JCC badge. Asking me to safekeep it until you come back. Now and then, I’ll take the badge out from my wallet to think through the hardship you'd 'suffer' in army. I want to exchange those lost time for more companionship, but I'm selfish and wrong. I broke my promise of going to the airport to welcome you back. I wasn't sure what's in my mind right then. And my behaviour had disappointed you greatly. It triggers the first of our cold-hot treatment. 

Where in the world is Doramon. Why is your surname LI. Am I pretty or smart. Don't no manners. Carry me. Those were my favourite lines and I will keep going on and on and on. You hated the answers to them. The look on your face was sucha classic.

My first dinner with your family was at Phin's. I was alittle shy then. We'd progress thus far. Your family always make me feel welcome and inplace. Ah fat and my parents were always questioning your whereabout when they see me staying at home for the weekend. I'm really weakened by their concern. As much as I know you want a balance life, I couldn't stop asking more. 

09/06/07, you commissioned from OCS. You told me you didn't invite your closer friends because you didn't want me to feel deserted. I was really touched by what you'd done. This parade reflects your hardwork and is a prestige moment for you. I never forget the moment you entrust the rank for me to put on your left shoulder. Looking at you in your smart suit, deserving what you'd earn. I'm so proud of you.

Zouk that night makes me feel heartwreck. You rang calling me mummy. I wasn't sure how to react. Good thing, at least my number's still in your mind. Sidetrack, you don't even remember what happened in the club. That causes me to really hate you going clubbing with your friends. You were so cussed out that don't even know who's who, how am I suppose to stay quiet and let you go. I'm being possessive and I care about everything you do, unknowingly restricting you from your friends. I thought you'd want the same from me too.

Commissioning ball, I'm so honoured to be your date. I'd never taken so much time to doll myself up, trying to look my best to complete your look that night. You held me tight making sure I don't fall in that heels, introduced me to your mates, reassuring me again and again that I don't look gay. I have really low self-esteem. 

25/07/07. I was so broke that I could only afford breaktalk and eggtarts. It was your twentyfirst. Spun you a birthday surprise outside selarang. Sang you my pathetic birthday song with that little candle at the bus stop, I want so much for you to be happy and loved. 

NDP'07 preview, we went together for the first time, you lying to me that we have to be in red and white. We were so happily baking in the sun, people watch, you explaining to me the different commands, looking at the airplanes and tanks, taking pictures, thinking how naoless those racial harmony performances were for, agreed to leave after knowing there's no firework preview. Those were such happy moments we'd both shared. The world was such a blurred, only 'we' existed. 

Came the august episode which I was accused of struggling you. Do you feel me beside you in your bed. There beside you, where I ought used to lay.

Ikea 35c flowerpot-cum-cup. We drew and designed the cup for each other. Our cup is unique and one-of-a-kind. Though I never used it before, it still holds its special meaning. I hope the stickman-unite cup had served you well thou, ugly it may seem. You said you like squaretop-man best. And I remembered the necklace you put inside the cup to surprise me. Your perfectionist idea. 

Tourist, tub-of-lard, shawnie darling, furniture. Brunei part 2. I was so shocked receiving your snail-mail letter! Thou it was illegible like I’ve always complained, I love it to bit. We exchanged emails during your time away. I made so many plans with you then. I wanted my warmer, my pillow, I want you.

Ayo technology seems to be hunting us into every shop we patronise. You left me watching you walked away for the first time. You said you were going to send me home, but you left when the train doors opened. That night, you said nothing and went to club yourself. I was heartbroken. I felt you'd never think in my position. Am I pushing you too hard, right then.

15/12/07, our first breakdown. I start to not understand your commitment and whine about not having enough time. There're many activities, but there's only one you. I don't understand what is the balance you want. All that I want is the time you couldn't give. You could go through a day without calling me, but I couldn't go through a day without hearing from you. We managed to talk things and everything got better. Why is it impossible to talk things again, now.

Christmas'07. I gave you the lightbulb and noticeboard that I’ve made. Though it wasn't well done, I thought you could relate to it as an engineering student. You never did manage to see the bulbs light up. We started to pin up our movie treats and whatnots on the board to mark our time together. I wanted so much to fill up the board. "And a hot sexy lingering kiss". Tang version - Twelve days of Christmas. I miss the hug and kiss we gave each other everytime we part our goodbyes. We spent our christmas at Clinic, trying the drip for the first time together. Things were so much fun, looking at the world swirl pass us.

2008 - Our second year
Newyear'08. We went to ham's to countdown, watched the flares and mahjong. I remembered forcing you to be in the OSIM shirt with me. We had so much fun that night. Life was simple and filled with joy. I want to experience more countdowns with you. I want those days to return, am I asking too much.

One year. We celebrated it on 26/01/08. You surprised me with two concert tix, a dress and heels that you'd picked for me, specially. The many layers of newspaper I’d wrapped over the watch. The first time both of us step into esplanade for a symphony orchestra concert. I still remembered the killer heels which ended up in me walking barefooted in town. We seat and reminisce about the time we had together. I felt so fortunate to have you in my life. I asked if you see us going through our 2nd together. "I'll try". I've never gave up trying.

19th at Brewerkz, blindfold, box of whatever. You told me you'd never been this romantic before, from planning to buying gift to making reservation to seeing me smile. I'll have never gone through those special moments without you too.

$20 budget week. The little saving game that we played. Realised that 'honeymoon' period is over, we need to save for the future. We set aside some money to save each week so we can use that for special occasions. Our tongkong which both of us took effort feeding. We'd wanted to use the money for our 2nd together, kuishinbo. Will we ever get to spend the money together

Bangcock. April 17-21. Those four days together was funfilledlove! It was my first overseas trip with two other couples (Hx Ys, Sy Ad). You took great care of me, attending to my every need, we had alot of fun exploring the outside world, more and more shopping. I was alittle down when the trip is over, we didn't need to be bothered by anything that few days. It was just you and me and you. We said we'll go Taiwan in 2009 together again. Malaysia, Aussie, Paris and many more to conquer. I want so much to travel the world with you. Aren’t these what we'd in common.

Driving license on 29/04/08. Prep with my lucky charm and breakie, everything went smooth and well. We headed to Selarang and ChompChomp and I'm your 'first' passenger. So many places that we've wanted to drive and bring me around to. Ubin, fish spa, tree top walk, sentosa museum..

5th May. You embarked on a new journey. You regain your freedom, begin your student life in NTU. Me too, became your revision material, teaching me about physics, mechanics lalala, sharing with me your uni life. I've learnt so many things from you. But soon, I start to add load into your commitments. You have to juggle between studies, training, church, friends and me. It's no longer just about me. I find it hard to spend time together, but we still manage to compromise each other. You'll study hard during the weekdays, and I’ll hang around while you study in the weekend. We're capable to compromise by spending time with each other that way. We can.

We spend our weekends walking around aimlessly, insearch for cheapo deals, splitting the movie voucher in half so we can maximize the value, trying out new food, ikea, chinatown, zoo, little mumbai, CBH, home-cooked dinner, hongkongcafe, the very rare training sessions, alternate weekend post, slacking and laze around, sleepover, download songs, watching tv, listen to each other talk, rant, fight, doing nothing. I regret not updating my journal on our time together. Photograph each day, so we can live forever.

07/07/08 the commence of my internship. This restricted me the same way army did. I am no longer the freebird who can do whatever I want during my free time. I'm only given the weekend to do everything. All this resulted in me venting my stress and anger on you. I wanted you to spend every of my "valuable" weekend together. In the end, it tire both of us. You promised and we used to call each other up during the beginning of my attachment. But after the unpleasant incident, the calls stop altogether. I love the way you say goodmorning..

Sing bi'08, OSIM'08, Aviva Ironman'08. I'm your personal photographer, cheerleader, designer, trainer. I try to be there for your every race, to let you know that I’m supportive of everything you do. I've tried and I enjoyed being there. I hope you feel the same encouragement too.

"Happy birthday baby! I love you." We celebrated your birthday at wild rockets. I blindfolded you just like how you did. You trusted me and allow me to lead the way. While you made your wishes, I blessed that you'll be a happy man and excel in things you do. I never had wanted you to neglect your studies for me, you got me all wrong.

Tour the infamous refugee center, tiongs and aruns, know more about your uni life. I'd wanted to bring you around my office area for some 'good food', 31weeks passed by, never once. 

November'08. Sparks the start of our weekly arguments. Accord vs Girlfriend. After the end of your main papers, i thought you would want to spend some quality time with me having used the weekends to study for exams. I'd made plans to 'celebrate' with you, but it never occur to me that you'd already made arrangments with your friends. To me, I thought you would have spent enough time in school to catchup with your friends, whereas, me, I only get that few hours of your weekend. The whole world is not about me. Now, I get to fully appreciate the meaning. All I'd want was more time together, thats that. I'm disgusting.

Cheapo weekends which always ended us getting 'karh' for at least one item. We will feel so dui and pledge that we'll never return again. You've yet pay for the illegal parking summon from TP's TP. Going songsong over the crab eggs. Exploring the bike trail together, chaokeng. Always pestering you to 'pull' me in the pool. Our plan to go desaru together, your loyal supporter. 

Christmas'08. Ubin plan drenched. $30 budget gift, turkey and ham, monopoly, handsize crab claw, leng and leng and leng.

2009 - Closure.
Newyear'09 was practically a repeat of '08. We said we'll be back together again on '10 and start the year with a bang.

18/01/09, 2 weeks timeout. We'd wanted to use the time away to think through things, to take a different spin. Cause baby we're tired, tired of the fight, tired of the lonely days and the dark endless nights. Taken some time, cause I didn't know, if I could ever let you go. But you kept wanting me to figure it out, that we're better off alone. 

We never did manage to spend our 2nd, Valentine, my 20th together.

We broke off 'officially' on 14/02/09. I felt it's unworthy that we ended things this way, and have thought through enough, really wanting to salvage this whole mess. We got back on 18/02/09. This time, I try to give and gave the best of me, but still just couldn't give us what we need. I believe you've tried in some ways too. You asked for time to change yourself, I needed time to change myself too. You said we can try to work towards a common goal to compromise, we've so many plans ahead of us. 26/02/09, it was just 8 days. "Kaiwen, we're just too different. We've tried so many times but it's not working. You can give up everything for me, but i want to lead a balance life." If i could never change you, I don't want to blame you, baby you don't have to take the fall. Yes, I may have hurt you, but I not desert you, maybe I just wanna have it all. I couldn't bear the sight of seeing you walked away again, anymore. The end.

 

 Been almost two years, almost. 
Trust me that i still love you very much and it really hurts to have the timeout.  

Since your last paper till now, we never enjoy a week off arguements. And i know all of this is being triggered by me, everytime. I've been telling everyone that you're a very nice guy with no temper, always getting bullied by me, suffering my nonsensical nonsences. It's all my fault. You have too much commitments, so many that i dare not let you know when i feel lonely, sad and afraid. To somewhat 'grab' more of your attention, i became drama-mama picking up small little things to quarrel w you, so that i can feel 'loved' that you're still showing concern by arguing w me. I felt so terrible everytime, and somewhat turned so scary that it's not me anymore. Cliche isn't it, sound like a kid wanting their parent's attention. I'm so stupid. In the end, it just wear both of us out. Me getting frustrated for not getting you, and you getting exhausted with all the quarrel. This few days, i'm feeling really low, and i craved for your concern badly. But maybe with my on-going stunts that i've put on everyweek, you just left me on my own. Yes, you did try to be with me and cheer me up abit, i just felt it wasn't enough. 

The past year, you moving on from army to student life was a huge leap. To you it means more freedom, but to me,  i secretly  like you in army better. Because that way, it means i get to see you every weekend, with no limits to it. And also somehow, i 'pity' army boys, thinking their weekend is very precious, i would not want to spoil it with little disputes. Now, doing my attachment, i felt the same constraint. Only free in the weekend to meet you, that is why, i want you during all my free time, which adversely, give you little breathing air, with so many things to cope. Sorry, i'm so selfish.

That night, i shared with you my deepest thought. It was not just trashing things out to you, but to share and let you know how i feel all along, so you won't be taken aback by my behaviour/actions. I felt it was good, able to talk and resolve things together.  Maybe for your good temper, you find that there's nothing  you wanted to tell me. Few days later, you made a comment saying you didn't want to mention anything was because i may use it against you the next time we fight. I was shocked and disappointed.  I don't understand what's in your mind. Was it really nothing or was it for self-defence? I don't know.

I really would like/want to have you as my partner. You were my first love in so many things. And i believe i'm yours in many ways too. I'll use this time to reminisce those memories that we both shared, and figure how can i treat you better and improve myself if i'm given a second chance. No matter how the outcome will be after this two weeks, i trust we'll both be stronger and things will definitely work out better. I know you're a good student, so there's no need to remind you to study hard, yet, you should be reminded to sleep early, preferably before 12.40mn. Also, no excessive training, so you better don't get yourself injured or any darker, else i may not see you at night anymore! Meanwhile, i wish you well in everything you do, loving you always. 

Also, i'm playing safe, so i'll be keeping you out of my 'vision' incase temptation is too overwhelming that i'll begin stalking you. I'm sorry if this is too harsh. However hard, if you need someone to talk to, i'm only a phone call away.

Till then,
Happy.

Time start: 2.56pm

This will be a 30mins blog post, so i'll make it quick and short. LOL. You must be thinking half an hour is ALOT of time to post whatever~, but mind you, my average blog post take DAYS.

SOOOO its a new year, Mr Li and I agreed on posting alternate weeks on the non-happening happenings and happening happenings. THEREFORE, you'll be seeing alot of WILSON AND I WILSON AND I WILSON AND I, what's new.... duh duh duh duh duh.

Last saturday (03/01/09), W came over and zonked out (normal what) after hardcord training in the morning.

08Oct'08 - 09Oct'08

Anguish Saturday starts with yelling and screaming. This time i think, i'm to blame. All you'd asked is time to chill and unwind that night. I'm sorry i'm bad, I'm sorry i'm blue, I'm sorry 'bout all the thing ive said to you, and i know i can't take it back.. (8)

SUNday bring us to botanic garden, picnic outing to celebrate gen's burbday.

CullenTangkaiwen | 62: how would you describe the weather for last sunday?
Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: wet followed by a humid and sunny weather
CullenTangkaiwen | 62: how you feel about the picnic?
Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: okie.
Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: not bad.
Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: had fun.
CullenTangkaiwen | 62: any additional input?
Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: hmmm...
Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: had some time playing with the kids.
CullenTangkaiwen | 62: what kids?
Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: the little kids playing.
CullenTangkaiwen | 62: um ok 
CullenTangkaiwen | 62: thanks
Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: my pleasure.

So thats about it! :)

-updated again on 19 Nov.
After picnic, it's dinner over at W's cousin. Totally PU-ed. OH OH OH and i get to know his dirty little secret :)
Side note, Hairpit burbday to W's Dad + Cousin.

Until he realise what's those question's for, till then.
*fingers crossed* please dont kill me please dont kill me *fingers un-crossed*

-editted-

[16:49] CullenTangkaiwen | 62: http://tang-ed.livejournal.com/
[16:50] CullenTangkaiwen | 62:
[16:50] Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: ka na!
[16:50] Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: not fair.
[16:50] Wilson: Fuck. I'm imagining force arrows and diagram!: cheat.
[16:51] CullenTangkaiwen | 62: hahahah! where have !?!?!

MARY WU XUEYING SENT THE TWINS POSTCARD ALLLL THE WAY FROM AUSSIE LOVE.
ok thats all. HAHAHA!

I'm sure we won't receive any future mail from her anymore. YEAH! HAHAHAHA!

My forecast for 16 Oct'08 to 06 Feb'09.
81 Puppets - 6 Horweeday - 4 MC - 3.5 Opp day - 1 Napha - 1 TP.

October '08
Deepavali - 27th (Monday)

November '08
Fall sick - 21th (Friday)
Napha Test - 24th, 3pm (Monday)

December '08
Hari Raya Haji - 8th (Monday)
Driving Practical - 15th, 12.15pm (Monday)
Christmas - 25th (Thursday)
Fall sick, MC lost - 26th (Friday)

January '08
New Year's Day - 1st (Thursday)
Clear Opp day - 2nd (Friday)
Clear Opp day - 23rd (Friday)
Chinese New Year - 26th (Monday)
Chinese New Year - 27th (Tuesday)

Feburary '08
0 PUPPET DAY - 6th (Friday)

So this sum up the rest of my SKW days.
2 MC & 1.5 Opp day is now open for booking! Hurry grab before it's gone!  :)
Oh ya. Please note that elites are not allow on non-puppet days.

WHEE! SONG! HUAT AH!

Countless apologies. Never ending quarrels; arguments
Picking on the littlest thing to brawl, leaving you nowhere to retreat.
My fault, like it had always been.

Compromise, compromise compromise.
Army was past, studies the present, unknown for future.
When can i fit in nicely, somewhere.

Whatever that makes you happy; what makes us happy then?

When will all this comes to an end. FULLSTOP. 

Baby, i'm sorry. 

Under-paid labour
Sai-kang warrior
Deprived sleep
Programming
Elites

Burn in hell, NOW.

Happy birthday baby! i love you.

Just like the entry one year ago. lol

HELLO FRIEND!

You should know i suck at this, but nevertheless, here's a post for YOU, the Mary.

Getting so emo nemo even before typing. lol.

This 2 years really zoommmmm pass very quickly. Starting off as team mate, you're one i never imagine to get close with, however reality sucks and shits happen, Mary plays a very important role in life. haha! Emo nights, booze, 85, threathening-sms-which-never-works, MJ kahki, OSIM'07, stayover, midnight mcdonalds, daily rantings, MIA, listening to my self-created and non-complicated problems, giving naoful/less advices, kio-ing all sai kang, hanging around to act and play-like-you're-not-21 (LOL), singing at the top of our lungs, constant check that i'm still breathing, i-love-your-car-more-than-you, cursing joking and suaning, laughing at the non-existant balls, gossips, wuhan, dressing down for town........

Motto of Tri-team, Hypocrite rules, i've my share of gossip and secrets behind. But you're indeed a friend i wish to have and keep. Ok, not going to get mushy :) Go have a good time while you're away, away from this complicated island of yours, what's here remains and stop HERE. Nothing's gonna stop you, so let your wings soar and flyyyyy, but don't fly too high and knock yourself in the sky. HA!

Miss you deep deep my love.

I'm glad we give each other another chance to work things out together.

Things are gonna be fine this time.

May i be your love, like you've been mine, always.

02/06/08.

it's always at this hour that i miss you most.

if you know the reason why..

I still can't blog. fuck. bye.